I Didn't Want To Do Foster Care...

I am asked frequently why Scott and I decided to become foster parents. Many times it is asked with scowling faces, turned up noses, and people looking at us as if they could catch a disease. Other times it is from genuinely interested people who have caring souls, loving hearts, and open minds. I love to talk to these people because they get it. They understand that there is such a bigger picture to this, foster care, and to us than just the surface picture. If you are this type of person, please continue reading because you will understand and I feel like I can talk to you as if we are friends already. If you are one who is afraid to catch a disease or thinks less of us because of our choice to foster, I suggest you turn to a different blog. I say that lovingly, of course.

Before Scott and I even became pregnant with our first child, we had discussed eventually adopting. I come from a family where we learned that family is first. We were dedicated to each other. My life was family. I had close friends who were a bigger addition to my family. Family and love and deep relationships is who I am. Ask anybody. I love love. I love family. My husband came from a big family. Lots of kids and lots of work. Between the two of us, we realized so many important things about family. It requires dedication, love, work, compromise, stability, values, faith…We realize that not all children grow up in such privileged homes as we did and we loved the idea of being able to welcome children into our family that may not have the greatest opportunities in life.

Fast forward several years. We had two children and had just purchased our first home. Life was playing out perfectly for us! It felt (and continues to feel) like a dream. We loved our children but kept asking ourselves if there was something, or someone, more for us. This idea we believe to be Divinely guided. As we continued to ponder on this idea of adding someone into our family, we turned to prayer, which eventually led to Google. ;-) We typed in “Adoption in Idaho” and for some reason we ended up on the foster care website. This was a word, an idea, we were extremely unfamiliar with. I will be honest here, I had negative connotations with foster care. Looking back, I realize how unfair and uneducated I was on the subject. I did not understand its purpose or goals. I had no knowledge of what it was really about. Somewhere in the process we clicked a button that said “Receive more information.” Little did we know that button was going to change the course of our life.

After researching for a while about foster care, we ended up putting the idea aside. It was around Thanksgiving time and we became distracted from all of the holiday shenanigans. God and the state of Idaho had different plans for us. We received a phone call from a wonderful lady who was Resource Peer Mentor (or RPM). An RPM is a person who has done foster care for several years and is, what I would call, “seasoned” in the ways of fostering. They are here to guide us newbies, or prospective newbies, through classes, trainings, and even late night phone calls about what to do with {insert whatever crazy situation you can think of here}. They kind of turn into your mom for advice on foster care. They are wonderful and we love them all! This lady received our information from that little button we pushed (tricky little thing!) and wanted to know what questions we had. We talked for a long while, asking her the hardest parts, the coolest parts, if she loves it or hates it, why she chose to be a foster parent, etc. It was a great conversation. She then told us she would send us some more information. This information ended up being an application to foster.

As Scott and I continued learning about foster care, it became such an exciting, fun, and daunting thought. Again, we turned to prayer. Our application had been turned in and we were now waiting for the next step, still unsure of what we were doing. We received a phone call from who is now our licensing worker, Kathy. We completely adore her. If ever I have a question about anything, I call Kathy. She has a great big heart, a warm disposition, and a friendly face. Our family felt very comfortable letting her be a part of our lives. Over the next several months, Kathy and we became very close. Part of the foster care application is a home study and home inspection, which Kathy did both for us. She was in our home for hours talking with us about our past, our dreams, our families, thoughts, ideas, etc. We were then informed that we needed to take a class in order to become officially licensed. This was a lot of time for us. With our small children, we needed to find a babysitter twice a week in the evenings. We were lucky enough to have wonderful friends who stepped up to help (Thanks, Dave and Jen!).

We finished our class after five weeks, signed our license with Kathy there to guide us through everything, and very literally the next morning we received our first phone call to be a foster parent for a little boy. It was exhilarating.

During our five week class, Scott and I often talked how although we are not a perfect family, we have worked hard to establish those values that we hold so dear to us: love, stability, work, fun, laughter…all things good. We knew, and still know, that we would be the rock and stability and love that these children may have been missing. We can provide something sure for these littles as their parents get healthy and learn how to parent. Our whole marriage was designed to set us up for foster care. Everything about it! Our experiences in our past have brought us to this point. So when we are asked what made us want to do foster care, it is a little tricky to answer because truthfully we didn’t ever want to do it. Heavenly Father wanted us to and therefore prepared us to do it. Sometimes that is all I have to hold on to when times get really tough. We are doing a great work and God is on our side. And now that we are here, being foster parents, I can’t imagine doing anything else!